My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
