those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
