You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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