The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
