I'm so fucking centered right now
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
