I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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