i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
