I'm lost and stupid without you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There r osticjed everywhere
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
