Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
