The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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