Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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