I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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