You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
