Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
