Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
