found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
