he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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