I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
