While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
