I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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