i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
