Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
