someone threw a dead crab at me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
