Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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