Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She bit a glass in half.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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