Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
