He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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