Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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