6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
