and you said cock pushups were impossible
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
