I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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