I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
