ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
