I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
