Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
