Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
