Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
