the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
