i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
