I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
