i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
