you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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