I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She's the barista slut.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
