I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
