you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
