i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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