I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
