i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
