I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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