I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
