If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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