My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
