she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
